It’s a curious thing, the human mind. After subjecting myself, and by painful extension, the reading public, to a succession of hefty, historically-minded tomes — each one seemingly longer and more alarmingly titled than the last — I have finally, and not a moment too soon, managed to drag my thoroughly history-battered brain back into the less-taxing, more-inventive realms of fiction.
One is speaking here, naturally, of the kind of books that leave one with the uncomfortable feeling that the past is far more chaotic, and possibly more aggressively loud, than anyone really needed to know. These include, but are in no way limited to:
- “Hammered History” (all 540 pages of it, a truly baffling world history which, in a desperate attempt to make sense of things, is primarily composed of swearwords);
- “Vikingology” (an earnest yet ultimately futile attempt to pin down the precise moment of cosmic alignment that apparently forged the elusive ‘Nordic Soul’ — a concept that remains, to this day, highly debatable); and
- “The Ice Cold Story of Kalaallit Nunaat – Greenland” (a particularly winding narrative about the long and winding road to freedom).
And yet, here we are. Having successfully concluded that Reality has simply run out of material, I looked for inspiration, as one often does, in the very oddest of places. Specifically, in that baffling modern cultural phenomenon known as “food porn” (a concept which, if one were to explain it to an 18th-century philosopher, would probably cause them to retreat immediately to their fainting couch).
The upshot of all this — and you may wish to sit down for this part — is that I am now engaged in writing an erotic crime comedy which also contains actual, usable food recipes. It is due out sometime in the baffling early months of 2026.
A small selection of people (those with particularly sturdy sensibilities and an almost criminal lack of taste, one assumes) have been allowed to peruse the currently half-finished manuscript, and their comments — perhaps predictably, perhaps not — have been rather… illuminating:
“The writer employs a highly unsettling and morally repulsive tone, where the descriptions of food are surprisingly more disturbing and depraved than the explicit erotica. Paradoxically, the element of murder registers as the least shocking aspect of the work.”
“Hasse Sørensen is a very sick man!”
“Food and porn. Food Porn. Next level.”
“Five pages in, feels at times effortlessly funny,
at times working too hard on it.”